My So-Called Quarter Life Crisis

This week I hit a quarter of a century old. And I'd be lying if I didn't admit this number - 25 - officially freaked me out. Twenty five. Yikes. It's amazing how simultaneously old and young I feel. And so as I've been going through my quarter-life crisis over the past six months (seriously), I've done a lot of thinking.

And I realized: I am exactly the person I wanted to be.

No I don't have as much money as I thought I would. I'm not working in the same job as I dreamed up as a little kid (that would be an architect). And I'm definitely not in the same town I always thought I'd end up in (that would be Chicago). And I'm not perfect in any way...

During this thinking and self discovery I learned a lot. I'm still learning a lot. But, one of the best things I learned is how blessed I truly am. As soon as I discovered that, my quarter life crisis ended and I am now able to just enjoy this transition into an older me.

I am married to an amazing man. I have a best friend at home. A person who challenges me. One who makes me laugh. He's good looking. Takes care of me. Lets me be myself. And makes plans and dreams with me.

I have a job that challenges me and that I love. I am creating things daily. I have great co-workers who are fun and young and understand me. I can be myself at work. And I don't have to wear heels and suits (something I never wanted in a job). I have potential for learning more and moving up eventually. I have found "my career."

I have a good relationship with my family. We didn't lose touch; we actually got closer. I am friends with my mom. I am an aunt, and love it. My mom and dad's relationship has settled and they are in a good place. All my siblings are working their way towards greatness. And I am proud of them all.

I have decent fashion sense, know how to do my makeup, and have a regular hair appointment. I can take care of myself, and can be a presentable member of society. I am proud of myself, and I have the confidence I always dreamed the 25-year-old me would have.

I (almost) know who I am. I always saw my 20s as the time to become an adult - and it's weird to be halfway through my 20s and see myself doing just that. While I am always seeking to learn and grow, I can say without doubt most of my world views are set. I know what I believe, and I'm no longer seeking the approval of those around me to believe that. (I am still seeking council with my closest friends.)

I have a hobby that's worthwhile. This blog isn't the same as the side party planning business I always dreamed of... but it's better. I have something to keep me busy, and to keep my creative juices flowing.

The first half of my twenties was amazing. I graduated college. Got married. Worked my way through a few awful jobs to get this new perfect one. I found a gym I love, and fell in love with working out. I have found good, truthful friends.

I am blessed. And I know it.

So thank you for reading. Thank you to my friends & family being there for me. Thank you, Christian, for being my partner through it all. And thank you to my parents for laying a good foundation that made the life I have now possible.

I'm excited for my 25th year. ♥

Beat the Heat: TV Binging

The summer heat has hit Texas... it's here. And I love it! So I've brought back my favorite series: Beat the Heat... where I figure out how to survive the hot summer months, and make the most of those long days. I've been looking forward to picking up this series again since about Christmas, so I hope you enjoy ♥

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As much as I love getting out, my real love is staying in. Throwing dinner parties, having friends over to play games... and, most of all, binging on TV.

my favorite place to be: at home, with my feet up ♥

I've talked before about how much Christian & I love watching TV. This past season, I think I cut our list of shows we watched down to 10... but in addition to that, we're always in the middle of one or two older TV shows as well. Between Netflix, our own DVD collection & the local Hastings, we've been able to get our hands on just about everything we could desire. Whenever we finish one series, we have a little fun figuring out what's next.

But once summer hits, our regular series go on summer hiatus - and we're suddenly left with a big gap in the schedule. So this summer we decided to get real: and we made our "wish list" of every show we wanted to watch over the summer.

It's the perfect way to enjoy our time together and avoid the heat during the long summer days.

the list on our chalkboard at home

So we split our list into two categories: 30/45-minute comedies and hour-long dramas. We've already finished a few of these, but here is what's on our summer list:

Comedies

• Arrested Development (Seasons 1-4: Done)
• Weeds (Last season)
• Girls (Seasons 1 & 2: Started AND LOVE)
• Modern Family (Seasons 3 & 4)
• Louie (re-watch series)

Dramas

• Game of Thrones (Just the latest episode then done)
• Lost (re-watching the series, currently on Season 3)
• Mad Men (finish current season & re-watch 3 & 4)
• Breaking Bad (re-watch the series before August 11)
• Parenthood (catch last season)
• Homeland (watch season 2)

We're keeping ourselves busy! I'm equally as excited to watch every one of these as the other... so that's making it even more fun ♥

So what's on your "to watch" list this summer?

On Marriage & Schedules

When we got married, we weren't afforded the luxury of a good schedule. Christian was working nights. I was still in school and working nights. Basically, that first year we only saw each other on Sundays and maybe 30 minutes every night before crashing out.

So we made Sundays "our day." We woke up early, made breakfast, had what we referred to as "business meetings" (where we talked about weekly meals, our finances, upcoming plans, highs/lows from the week, etc.), and we watched large amounts of TV. While it wasn't ideal, we made the most of the situation.

And, eventually, I graduate college. Christian got a day job. We started seeing each other most evenings. Before you knew it, we had found a routine that worked. It was amazing. And it surprisingly lasted a really long time. It was flexible when it needed to be, allowed for nights out and nights at home, and we didn't have to give it much thought.

And then... Christian got his new job. A job that completely changed everything. Instead of a regular, morning, week-day schedule, suddenly everything was chaotic. Inconsistency. Uncertainty. Inexperience. All of the things you don't want in a schedule -- that we had worked so hard to get rid of -- poked their little heads through.

So we made a pact: I'd give him a month. No strings attached. No expectations. No plans. No limitations or rules. A month to figure out the new schedule. A month for us to adapt. A month for us to feel things out.

And that month flew by fast!

I blinked, and suddenly the allotted month to "figure things out" is over. And nothing is figured out. It's been an interesting transition... and I had written a post about how everything was fine. I was going to tell you how I was proud of myself for coping & being so mature.

...and then I almost cried in a McDonald's Tuesday morning.

Apparently the transition is harder than I was allowing myself to believe. Couple that with the fact that Christian & I haven't had any alone time together in almost a week now... it's tough. We both have to spend large amounts of quality time alone together.  That's how our personalities and relationship work...

And when I was almost crying in the McDonald's lobby, I realized I felt completely alone. I didn't feel like I had a partner in the world, willing to be there if I needed him. I realized I hadn't spent any time alone with myself either (which is bad for this introvert)... and I was just overcome with a deep, sad helplessness. The feeling passed almost as quickly as it came, but it left some scars. I couldn't shake the realization that I wasn't doing as awesome as I kept telling myself I was.

But, as all good things must come to an end, all bad things eventually do too.

Luckily, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. We're staying home this weekend. My birthday is next weekend. And I'm cutting back on plans between now & then. We're making it work. Mostly because we have no choice, but also because we both know it's worth it.

Hopefully one day soon we'll have a schedule that works again...Until then, I'll just keep pressing on, knowing that all things will work out.