About          |          Fueled by Cocktails          |          Whole30          |          Website         |          Contact

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The McSpiracy Theory: Revisited

There are theories everywhere. Answers to the question, Why does it keep coming back? I've come to realize as a woman, I'll probably never understand. That's why last year I had my husband write a guide to the leading theories of the inevitable return of.... The McRib, McDonald's failed yet super successful attempt at BBQ. Which men go crazy for. Don't believe me?

Just watch this year's McRib commercial...

So I figured I'd pull that post out of the archives & re-publish it here for you today.



The McSpiracy Theory

As anyone who has taken a high school health class in the last 6 years can tell you, McDonald's is evil. But now that the McRib is back... it seems like it would be a lot easier to hate them if it wasn't so ridiculously delicious.

Which begs the question- why does the McRib disappear, only to come back before Michael Moore can loose enough weight to make a documentary about it? Maybe there's more then just capitalism behind McDonald's evil corporate front.

I present to you this leading McSpiracy theories-
1994 was a rough year *

After it's initial release, McDonald's discovered that the scientifically evil chemicals they mixed with moon rocks to create the 'pork' featured in the McRib was a bizarrely addicting substance.

After several incidents of spontaneous human combustion and the birth of Kelly Osbourne came to the corporations attention, the sandwich was quickly removed from stores. However, years later, the populace began to go through withdraws, driven so mad by the lack of  McRib as to cast Rosie O'Donnell as Betty Rubble.

Now, McScientists and the FDA in conjunction with the KGB and Universal Pictures re-release the McRib at an interval carefully calculated to resupply the populace with the drug, while avoiding giving non-addicts a large enough dose to become addicted. Of course, you're only safe if you eat less then 50

Interestingly enough, when combined they taste almost,
but not exactly, like meat.

Additional theories suggest:

  • McRib production lines up with the mating season of the rare and elusive brontosaurus; once thought to be extinct, then thought to be made up, it is hunted down for its fast food goodness.
  • The McRib is actually made up completely of McDonald's corporation chemical waste, which it is only allowed by the EPA to dispose of by space ship or drive-thru window. 
  • Law enforcement agencies point out that the McRib's appearance bears a strong correlation with increased missing persons reports.
  • Others suggest that it is McDonald's way of increasing ad revenue during football season with a sedentary populace. 
  • Finally, many have pointed out an odd increase in reports of UFOs and paranormal activity prior to the McRib's return. 

I know they're trying to distract me
from something...
I just don't know what.
What's your McSpiracy Theory?


Thanks Christian for always making me laugh!

I'm curious - do you like the McRib? I've tried it a few times & just don't get it.

1 comment:

  1. So I have to say I can't even be in the same room when someone is eating it...the smell and the look yuck...But men (especially my husband) seem to go all crazy for it. It's one of those unexplainable things!