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Thursday, April 12, 2012

On Marriage & Making Big Life Decisions

Taken with instagram
via my instagram - amyrenepowell

I'm a thinker. If I don't take the time to stop & think, I get overwhelmed and stop properly functioning. During college, this meant I'd get sick halfway through finals week and would spend the week afterwards with a non-flu-like-flu. And lately I've been wearing myself down faster because I have more to think about.

I've mentioned here & there that Christian & I are at a place we haven't been before. We're not tied down by school anymore - and we could literally go anywhere we wanted (as long as we find jobs, of course). And the only place we want to go is back to where our family & friends are. We want to go back to where we always knew we'd end up.

But the question is: Is it time to go back? We want to. We have the option to. But it's almost paralyzing to start planning on a major life swing. Finding a new place to live, finding new jobs to work at, transitioning phone & cable & internet, saying goodbye to friends here -- the list is never ending. And then you take into account all the good things about where we're at right now. We have good friends, and good jobs. We have a routine. And we have each other.

Accounting for two people's needs instead of just one doesn't double the equation. It exponentially increases it. (and I'm sure if we had little ones in tow, it'd be even more difficult!) This is the part of "being married" that I never really think about until I'm upon it. Where could I be without him? I want to move to Portland and be writer for a bit. And then I'd like to move to Europe just so I could tell future generations that I did. But I don't think I'd be happy. Because I'd be alone, and while I need my alone time, I don't thrive well when left alone for long periods of time.

And so I resort to thinking and journaling and praying about what's next. Because that's all I can do. And so Tuesday, when I came home and felt completely lost and overwhelmed, I took my picnic blanket, composition notebook, iPod & headphones and headed to the park. I wasn't sure what I'd find, and 2 hours later, I had to leave only because it was getting dark and I was hungry and I had a husband waiting for me at home.

But two hours wasn't near enough time to fully search all the questions in my head. And the answers won't come until I figure out the questions. I just feel blessed I have someone to share my life with and that it's not all up to me. I love that I have a partner & a support group holding me up.

And that's where I'm at this week :)

Thanks for reading!
And stay tuned for a giveaway coming up tomorrow ♥

9 comments:

  1. O girl, I hear ya! I was 23 went Kev and I got married and knew at that point my wants as far as where we go would take a back seat. Hubs is in the Army, so it really isn't up to me. I hated the idea of leaving behind family and friends and not knowing if we could move back there. But as our adventure as grown, I now love moving around, experiencing new things and meeting new people. It is nice to have someone to do that with. At the same time, I have sitter some once a week to keep the boys so I can wander and have me time. I am thankful to have a husband who understands that too. Im sure you all will figure it out!

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  2. Wow. You have a lot on your mental plate right now! I love hearing your honest thoughts!

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  3. I'm somewhat in a similar situation myself. I have been praying and journaling too and it is still hard to figure out that transition but it is nice to know that I'm not the only one who is trying to figure out the next step in life. I hope you recieve some clarity! I enjoy your blog!

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  4. how lucky you are to have a partner to come home to. i'm at the midlife crisis point in my life--never got married or had kids, and wish i had that. you're lucky and you'll figure things out.

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  5. Thinking about change is hard. Once we make up our minds on something, we can adjust so quickly but it's the doubt and indecision beforehand that leaves us in a mess. For me, I want to continue to grow and experience new things but at the same time I like where I'm at so am hesitant to take a leap in fear of not liking where I land when I already have it so good. This applies to changing careers and having/or not having kids. Decisions, decisions....

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  6. you're going to figure things out. don't try to find questions or solutions, but look at what you have now and what is yours and how you love and live life. things will turn out the way they're supposed to turn out. i'm sure. and yes, you're not alone. you have a great partner! :)

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  7. I'm a lot like you.. things must be thought thru, thoroughly.. haha.. but on the other side of that is over-thinking to the point you won't let yourself do something you want to do. I think calculated risks are best, having a little something in your back pocket when you make a change is logical but not overdoing it. I could never just up and take off on a whim. I am making a fairly large life change myself but I've got some buffer to protect any walls I might face so I am ok with the "risk" I am taking. I wouldn't worry about bill changing, that's not worth the effort, girl :]

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  8. Good luck with this decision and the process to come to your decision! I'm glad that you're grateful that you're at a point in your lives that you do have the opportunities to move if you want to!

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  9. move to beaumont. questions answered. boom.

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