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Thursday, June 14, 2012

On Marriage, Doing Your Own Thing and Sacrifices

It's taken me a while to accept the fact that having different interests and hobbies other than C is a good and necessary thing. Space is good - and sharing everything can get overwhelming and eventually plain annoying.

We should know - because up until about a year ago, we agreed on 99% of everything. From politics to religion, but also what movie to see, TV show to watch or restaurant to eat at. Since we've been together since our teens, C & I developed the same likings to pretty much everything. And we didn't really need "our own thing". Our college roommates even called us out on spending too much time together, and we just responded that why wouldn't we spend all our time together, since we both want the same things?

But, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Over the years, I discovered C & I both need alone time. We're both slightly introverted and actually need time alone - even apart from each other - to be productive and happy. So, now, I have my TV shows and blogging, he has his comic books and other daily reads. We still do almost everything together to fault, but we've been getting better spending time apart as well.

So, when C started playing poker with some buddies, I never even considered joining in. Even though they're my friends too - and at times, I wouldn't have been the only girl around. I just resolved it was C's thing & left it at that.

But this past weekend, due to a series of unusual events, I found myself with nothing else to do but be at the poker table watching. We were out of town, my family was busy, and they were playing poker where we were staying for the night. So I joined in. I figured why not?

And let me tell you - I had a freaking amazing time. Like, stay up until 3 am because the game's addicting good time. I kept making deals with myself ("if I break even, I'll cash my chips in and go to bed") but never kept them. I was enjoying myself, and the amazing whiskey C picked up, too much.

Because I had such a good time, I found myself in a predicament. I kept wondering: should I still let C have this? I amazingly enjoyed it and was amazingly decent at the game, why shouldn't I join in? But, I also want to let C continue to have his thing.

As I was mulling this over, a post my friend Lisha from The Lucky Mom had written came to mind about a similar circumstance. It's about "taking one for the team" and sacrificing your desire to have fun for the greater good. And since Lisha is an amazing mom & wife, the "greater good" was her child & husband's happiness.

The "greater good" here is giving C the option to have his own, even if I like it too. That doesn't mean I'll never play again, but it means I'm not going to insist I join in every single time. I think ultimately being willing to make the sacrifice - even if you're never asked to give it - is one of the keys to this whole marriage thing.

So thank you boys, for letting me join in on your world. And thank you Lisha for always have a word of wisdom on everything. ♥


  1. Amyyyy! I can't believe you remembered that!

    You're right about needing some separate interests. Those times are when we charge our batteries and make ourselves into "better versions" of ourselves for the people we love.

    With three kids (and now my MIL) I need to get out more often than ever. But the sweetness of "coming home" gets sweeter every time. Because -- at the end of each day -- this is where I want to be. And Rob is who I want to be with!

    Great post (and not just because you mentioned me!).

  2. I have the opposite problem as you- me and my boyfriend are sooo different. He hates all my shows and kinda likes my music, he likes different movies and even likes to talk about completely different things I do. Some times it's so frustrating!! but we hate being apart and it's hard to break away into our own hobbies. i feel like maybe i should show him this post haha :P

  3. Sometimes it is tricky to find that balance, but it sounds like you are doing a pretty good job. I think its pretty awesome that you agree on 99% of everything:-)

  4. Having different interests, hobbies and friends gives my husband and I something new to talk about (something we weren't both present for) which is nice sometimes. I think when you marry your best friend (it sounds like you did) and have a good time together it's wonderful and makes for a solid relationship. It's nice to read such a warm account of married life. You two seem to be doing a good job on the marriage front!