On Marriage and the Blogger Black Hole

"On Marriage..." is a series dedicated to tales and lessons from my husband or from just being in a long-term relationship. It's a place for me to brag on him, confess my shortcomings, and talk about things that I think we all struggle with (or celebrate doing!). This is my favorite post to publish each week, because it's where I'm my most genuine and what I'm most passionate about. 

I hope you enjoy ♥

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As we were driving to Austin to celebrate my mom's birthday, I leaned over to C and asked, So, have you had a chance to think about me going to Alt Summit conference yet?



The day before, I had been hit with an instant need to to go the annual Alt Summit conference. I immediately texted Valorie with an energetic "would you go with me?!?!" text, to which she immediately replied "YES!" ... because in this online community, I think we all secretly want to hang out together, and Alt Summit is the ultimate blogger hangout.

But in the real world, away from the internet, reality is blunt about the fact that going to a conference for a few days a couple states away is (a) time consuming and (b) expensive. It's not something to take lightly. And for non-light decisions, I have to be a good wife and talk to my husband about it.

Because our finances -- and our time -- aren't just about me and what I want. They're about us and what we (first) need, and then (second) want.

The time commitment is easy to justify. I never use all of my vacation days, anyway. So it'd be no big deal. And it's during the University's winter break, so no classes would be going on. DONE.

The financial commitment, however, just wasn't happening. Reality = brick wall

But I was in dream land the moment I texted Valorie, and reality didn't exist. Nor did it exist when I first brought the whole thing up to C. I was flying high on the thought of having coffee with some of my favorite bloggers and finally getting to do a real clothing swap with girls from around the country. We'd swap business cards, and I'd be making road trips plans to meet that new girl from Portland, and plans with that other girl to go shopping in Chicago the next time I'm up there...... you get the idea.

That, my friends, is what I refer to as my "blogger black hole". And that is dangerous to my marriage.

My "blogger black hole" is dangerous to my marriage, because it takes me out of reality. It takes me away from acting rational, and planning well, and  communicating, and puts me into a state of rose-covered glasses frenzy.

But in a total act of awesome, C just said "I'm not sure if it's a good idea. Let's wait & talk about later."

There was no "NO! YOU CRAZY GIRL!" Just a, wait. Gentle. Soft. Sweet.

So when I found myself with a two hour car ride ahead, 24 hours later, I couldn't wait any long. "So, have you had a chance to think about me going to Alt Summit conference yet?"  I asked.

And he said: "Yes, and I don't think it's a good idea."

Clarity set in, and suddenly I knew that I couldn't go. And I was okay with that.

As soon as I asked the question, reality was no longer a brick wall, but just a locked door. It wasn't a dead end, but a detour. Sure, Alt Summit isn't a viable option this year at $500+ a ticket and selling out in 35 minutes. But in that moment, I knew not going to Alt Summit wasn't going to mean complete and total break down. It just meant that I'd have to find another way to learn more about this vast online community.

And because of a soft, gentle WAIT, I was able to learn that lesson the easy way, the way that didn't hurt.

And once again, I was reminded how important good communication and stepping out of that blogger black hole really are ♥


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