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Thursday, September 6, 2012

On Marriage & The Friend Zone

I was going to blog about staying home with C this weekend. Drinking beer and watching football and how excited I was about hanging out. Being friends. But then all I could think about was being friends with my husband, which led me down a rabbit hole....

I love that my husband is my best friend. I love that I can be completely comfortable and myself with him. We've been doing that since we were 16. Which all sounds good on paper.  The question I can't keep getting out of my head is how to avoid the "friend zone" in marriage.

Because while I love our friend time, I adore our intimate times. Those times that are only between us. And I'm talking about so much more than just sex. Pillow talk. Taking care of each other when we're sick. Truly giving yourself up for the other on every front.

I'm really curious how couples of years and years together (especially when kids are added) make sure to keep the "friend zone" out of marriage. Especially if they started off, as so many of us do, as friends with their partner.

My grandparents at their weddings. ♥

I can go into how I, with 3 years of marriage experience under my belt, keep it intimate. But as I look ahead, into that infinite abyss of marriage possibilities, I understand that what I know now is nothing compared to what I'll eventually come to learn.

My cousin Whitney said something to me this past weekend that I can't get out of my head. She & her husband are coming up on 8 years of marriage. They have four kids, he works his M-F/8-5, she directs the household, and they all live happily ever after. But as she's coming up on 8 years of marriage, she's realizing that she's now been married longer than her parents. I asked Is that an odd realization? And she just said "It's just amazing how hard you have to fight for it, and how many people aren't willing to put the work in."

And that's the mentality I want to have 5 years from now. I want to still be fighting and working for something worth fighting for. Something that goes so far beyond watching football on a Saturday, or having somebody to go to concerts with. A friend, companion and lover. That's not too hard to ask for, I think ♥

Brothers on a Hotel Bed by Death Cab for Cutie on Grooveshark


  1. I totally agree! Marriage is hard but I would venture to say that almost all good things are hard to come by, and very much worth fighting for. It's wise to be realistic about the difficulty of marriage so that when hard times do come, you're prepared and ready and know that you're not alone!

    Something Ivory

  2. What a beautiful post. It's true that falling into only the friend zone could be detrimental. However, the fact that you're still afraid of that and are consciously working to avoid that shows that it most likely won't happen to you. Some people get too comfortable and forget to put in the work. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll be just fine :)

  3. I just passed year one, but I will ALWAYS fight for that!!! I love both aspects of marriage so much!

  4. Marriage to me still has to have some of that "newness" you feel when you first started dating the person. You should still get nervous and butterflies, or try to look your absolute best for them. Keeping the conversation interesting, and still learning new things about it each other. I think "dating" during marriage is a good way to keep it fresh and lasting.

  5. Cousin Whitney put it perfectly. We are going on 5 years in december and have a toddler and you really do have to try, fight for it and make an effort. It's the getting too comfortable that gets you in trouble as well as the not getting comfortable enough.. we all just need to find our own balance.