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Thursday, January 17, 2013

On Marriage & Politeness



Being polite is something we all learn from a really early age. Please. Thank you. You're welcome. Don't ask, wait to be offered. Let others make the choice. You get the picture.

And these aren't bad things to learn. They're good and necessary. These rules keep us all in check so we're not complete jerks to each other.

But this isn't a post about my new-found desire to be more polite. Actually, it's quite the opposite.... I'm beginning to realize there's a point in a relationship where "being polite" does more harm than good.

Sometimes, I don't get what I want because I've told C over & over again that he can have what he wants. Half the time it's genuine, and builds up our relationship. But other times, it's just me being too polite, and that builds up tension and eventually resentment.

Being polite can be a shield. A way to avoid getting your feelings hurt or being turned down. But I'm realizing I should trust C enough to know that if he does say "no" or has a differing opinion/desire than me, it's not to harm me.

This year, 2013, my year of purpose, I want to be careful to not be overly polite. I want to be purposeful with the words I say, especially in my marriage. I want to love and respect C. And I want to trust him enough to be honest with him. ♥

7 comments:

  1. I think this is something I need to practice more not only in my relationship but in my friendships. You made an awesome point!

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  2. In a marriage, it's important not to acquiesce out of politeness too often. (This is experience talking, not theory.) Because it's hard to maintain, and you end up looking bossy when you do stand your ground or become more direct. The important thing is to say what you have to say in the nicest way possible. :-)

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  3. While I'm not married, this definitely makes sense to me. I actually am currently in a situation involving a few friends, where one was treated very poorly, and being "polite" aka quiet about the matter, doesn't seem like the right thing to do. In this particular situation, the one friend is only going to continue getting hurt—and hey—I'm allowed to stand up for her!

    I found your blog via Amanda @ Simple Girl Simple Pleasures :) Very nice place you have here on the internet!!

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  4. When you're married you shouldn't be too polite, at least not in the sense of holding back on your feelings! Especially with guys, they are not as good as we are to pick up on subtle hints :)

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  5. What an interesting, yet TRUE twist to being polite! I think that I am too. Maybe because I don't want to seem overly emotional, but I think it's out of being polite that I'll hide my feelings or just start expecting less.

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  6. I know exactly what you're talking about. My Hubs and I refer to this as a "girl yes" where you say yes, but don't necessarily really want to or mean it, but you want to make the other happy. It's something I need to work on, too!

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  7. Hey! I'm new to your blog.:)
    Loved this post..very real. It's something I'm working on as well. I'm a huge pushover sometimes, and definitely too sensitive to other people's words!

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